Photo: Eric Harding

I often find myself at my local Fresh Market store. I enjoy buying produce there because the products are of exceptional quality. Most, if not all, are organic and I find myself enjoying their heightened taste and flavor. This caused me to ponder the idea of "organically grown", which means food that is grown and processed using no synthetic fertilizers or pesticides. Meaning it's as natural and as integral as can possibly be. As I contemplated this concept it caused me to realize that God calls us to be "organically grown" in our faith. He wants our faith to be free of "synthetic material."

"Free of synthetic material"...is an interesting concept. One I'm sure most of us try to achieve in our lives or think we achieve most of the times. But do we? Do I? Am I free of synthetic material? Am I really living an organic spiritual life? Or am I living a synthetic faith? Am I giving God all of me? Or just the parts of me that seem to be genuine.

"Spirituality requires context. Always. Boundaries, borders, limits. "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us." No on becomes more spiritual by becoming less material. No one becomes exalted by ascending in a gloriously colored hot-air balloon. Mature spirituality requires askesis, a training program custom-designed for each individual-in-community, and then continuously monitored and adapted as development takes place and conditions vary. It can never be mechanically imposed ... it must be organically grown..." (Taken from Eugene Peterson's Living the Message).

Real with God

Living a God-life requires us to be real. To be real with our selves and to be real with God. God does not want us to be less of ourselves but he desires more of Himself in our lives. Spiritual growth and maturity comes from building an integral relationship with God. It's not just learning more about Him. It's about knowing Him. So often I've found myself knowing a lot of information about God but falling short of knowing who He really is. Forgetting at times how loving, compassionate and full of grace he is.

So may we grow to know Him more and more and more. May we remember that God is love, He is compassion, He is grace. He is all those things. May we realize that we can fully disclose our true selves to Him. That He longs to have an authentic and real relationship with us. And may our authenticity cause us to become organically grown in Him.

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Andrea Torres. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE ®.
more >>

Photo: Torian Dixon

On May 8, 1981, Mae Rose Owens began to notice the ground eroding around her three bedroom house in Winter Park, Florida. Within days, the earth had swallowed her home, the surrounding trees, half an Olympic size community pool, a section of road and five Porsches parked at a German auto store nearby.

$4 million in damage was the price tag attached to this 350 foot wide sinkhole that measured 100-150 feet deep. Lower groundwater levels during a drought period were said to be the cause of the disaster.

Today, Lake Rose (named after the lady who lost her home), resembles a small fishing pond set in the middle of this city east of Orlando.

Ironically, the Old Testament book of Numbers (Ch. 16) relates the story of a dramatic and chilling sinkhole set in motion by the God of heaven.

During the time of the Israelite's desert wanderings prior to their entering the land of Canaan, Moses was their God appointed ruler and his brother Aaron, high priest. By this time, several insurrections against God's ordained leadership had already taken place. Numbers 16, recounts the narrative of how Korah, Dathan, Abiram, On and 250 other leaders sought to overthrow the authority of Moses and Aaron, and grab the priesthood for themselves.

End to Contempt

God put a stop to their contempt and rebellion by opening the ground beneath the major instigators. According to Number 16:31-33, "...the ground under them split apart and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them with their households and all Korah's men and all their possessions. They went down alive into the grave, with everything they owned; the earth closed over them, and they perished and were gone from the community. (Fire subsequently came out from God to consume the 250 other leaders).

This sobering episode begs for reflection: What was the root of this evil insurrection? These men were credible leaders of rank and reputation but they were not priests. Resentment and discontent began to fester. At the heart of their displeasure was this--they wanted more! Not content with the honor and responsibilities God had already bestowed upon them, they also wanted the priesthood.

Do you ever find yourself wanting more--more money, a bigger home, a newer vehicle, the latest technology? Although blessed with a spouse, do you find your eyes and heart wandering after one that might be better? Are you discontent with your station in life? Do you desire greater power, prestige, or position--on your job, in your church, or community?

Contentment is the key to happiness. If we focus on what we don't have, we will continually be yearning and grabbing for more. If, on the other hand, we cultivate an attitude of gratitude, being truly thankful for the many blessings God has already given us, our hearts will be filled and our strivings after more will be quieted.

Respond to this article View Reader Comments
______________________________

By Kathy Lewis. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
more >>

more >>

Photo: Katja Kodba

I once heard a story from a woman whose husband of over twenty years was given the devastating diagnosis of cancer and was quickly scheduled for treatments. In the days that followed, she was sure to take the two busses to the hospital and visit him everyday. She did all of the shopping, she paid the bills on time, she mowed the lawn. When he came home, she cared for him carefully and tenderly until he was back up on his feet.

Perhaps realizing all that she was doing for him, and feeling gratitude, but not quite knowing what to say besides "thank you" he felt the need to tack on "I'll pay you back". I still remember the look of bewilderment on her face and the sadness in her voice. The whole situation had taken place many years earlier, and her husband recovered fully, but she was still extremely affected by what he told her. She took care of him, because he was her husband, she loved him, was happy he survived and she wanted to see him well, not because she expected repayment. After all, how could he possibly pay her back? Her taking care of him was not a favor—it was love.

Sometimes Love is an Act

Does a loving mother expect her child to repay her for the sleepless nights she spent doting on him? Do you want your pet to bring you breakfast in bed one morning for the love, food, and squeaky toy you provide her? It sounds ridiculous doesn't it? The more I think about it, I realize that true love really can be difficult to understand, but perhaps only because I am a human being, and have grown up hearing terms such as "there's no such thing as a free lunch", and "you can't get something for nothing".

Doing things for nothing in return is both treasured and uncommon. Whether it is tedious or simple, when you do something for someone, and you expect nothing in return—not even a "thank you," you are exhibiting true love.

If you knew that God was on the other side of your front door, just waiting to collect from you for sending Jesus to die in your place, wouldn't you be flabbergasted? Would you be as discouraged as I would if you knew God was waiting for you to pay money for watching over you and keeping you from harm and danger? How would I even begin to put a price on love? Here's $5 for helping me to cross the street safely, and $100 for saving me from drowning that one time, and I made it through that heart procedure alright—that must be worth about $500?

You see where I am going with this? It is simply impossible. We cannot pay God back, and we are so blessed that we are not required to, all we can do is thankfully accept.

God truly loves us. He chose to love us, and then acted up on it. God loves us simply because we are. It's hard to fathom, impossible to return, and unimaginable not to be affected by such a love.

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life" (John 3:16).

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Maxine Young. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the THE MESSAGE ®.
more >>

Photo: Linda DuBose

Our dog, Chaucer, insisted on digging holes under our fence so he could visit the neighbor's yard. It was exciting for him to be in a new and different place. When we discovered that he was doing this, we'd go get him and fill in the holes—but he seemed to always find a way to dig a new hole.

One day, I called for him to come inside and realized he wasn't in our backyard. Knowing his past history of sneaking into the neighbor's yard, I looked over the fence, and sure enough, there he was. But he wasn't running around or sniffing the new territory. He was laying on his side, struggling to fit back into the hole that he had dug, so he could come back into our yard. I had to help dig up some dirt around him so that he could fit back through that hole. Since that incident, he seems a lot more hesitant to dig new holes.

This reminded me of us humans, curious by nature; always wondering what's on the other side of the "fence". Is it a better life then what we have? Is there more to do? More fun to be had?

Takes Us Back

It also reminded me of our tendencies to wander off from God. But you know what, He keeps searching for us. He even helps us get back through that "hole" when we get stuck and are in great need. He is patient with us and takes us back time and time again.

Just like Chaucer, we slowly learn our lesson and get tired of searching for more or something different. We eventually find ourselves making our way back to God and the better life He has given to us.

"Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked" (Psalms 84:10).

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Erika Gladden. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
more >>

Photo: Jason Stitt

Vengeance is one of the most primal human desires. It is also one that Christians are charged to avoid. Christ adamantly opposed retribution. In Luke 6:28-30 He advises us to ". . . bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic."

In Matthew 5:41 we are told "If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." Later in Matthew 18, when asked by Peter "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Christ replied "I tell you, not seven times, but seven times seventy times."

Even the often-cited rule in Exodus: "an eye for an eye" (Exodus 21:23-25) is meant less as an approval of retribution than as a limit on the maximum amount of retribution that is acceptable.

This should show how serious God was when he claimed vengeance for Himself, not for us. Yet many still claim that turning the other cheek may work in a perfect world, but just is not applicable in this world—for practical people.

Guess what? Christ was right—more right that we imagined about getting even.

Less Satisfied

A study* conducted by German and Dutch economists shows that vindictiveness not only is bad for your prospects in the next world—it hurts you in this one. The study examined the lives of 20,000 people. It showed that vindictive people earn less, spend more time unemployed, have fewer friends, and are generally less satisfied with life than those who forgive and forget.

Think about it, and you can see why vindictiveness may backfire. People bent on "getting even" are more focused on the negative. If you snub them, they snub you. If you hurt them, they hurt you—an eye for an eye. The slight may have been unintentional, inadvertent, or misinterpreted, yet active retribution follows. Further, they often fail to balance the scales when they benefit. A vindictive person is often less likely to be concerned about balancing favors when someone else shares cookies or donuts with them. This makes vindictive people less desirable as employees, as friends, or simply to be around.

Someone who goes the extra mile, on the other hand, is more pleasant to be around. They just seem to be there when you need a hand or an extra favor. They are valued—both as friends and employees.

Who gets to stay when things get tight? Who gets voted off the island?

We should not be surprised that the Bible's guidance work best—even when it seems like it should not work. God's wisdom is greater than ours.

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Mark Lardas. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

* http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-03/uob-vdp032609.php
more >>

Photo: John Vernon

Have you ever stopped to think that when God created the world, he only spoke it and it was done? Because before anything existed, He, who is the Word, existed.

John writes that "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:1-5)

But, the interesting part about creation is that when God thought about creating man, he spoke about "making". In other words, it's not like God said the words and... BOOM...! Adam appeared. This makes us think that God "took his time to form" man. Not only did he form his body, organs, arteries, brain, eyes, hands, and feet...he wanted him to be just like Him! (Genesis 1:26) And if he wanted man to be like Him, that means that He put the desires of His heart in him...the yearning to make something beautiful and good for all of His creation.

I like to think that when Jesus came to earth to become one of us, he wanted to show us that it was possible to live in the "likeness of the Father"...without selfishness, hatred, grudges, evil, offensive behavior, robbery, vices...To live in the image and likeness of the Father.

Different but not Weird

Since childhood, Jesus demonstrated that it was possible to be different from the rest without being weird. I can picture him in the temple talking to the teachers of the law and sharing great truths, maybe not realizing the impact it would have on the world. The teachers were taken back by what they heard from this Child that hadn't even attended rabbinical school. They were amazed by His wisdom and understanding of the Scriptures!

I like to think that Jesus was a child, an adolescent, a young adult that did the same things that other children, adolescents, and young adults did. I picture him joyfully helping his parents to get ahead in life, being a good friend, greeting his neighbors as he walked the streets of Nazareth. I ask myself if when Jesus went to the synagogue, the teachers of the law would ask him to read from the scrolls of the prophets or announce a hymn...or if they would marginalize him for not having studied in their schools...or for being a "nobody"?

It's just that in this day and age, we, the Church, love to label people. We like to see qualities in certain people and not in others. We tend to be exclusive with people. But, I'd like to think that the gospel of Jesus Christ doesn't belong to the Church, but rather, it belongs to the world.

Because while we argue in meetings about how we should worship, what we should or shouldn't sing, if we can play this instrument or that, if women should wear dresses or pants, if a young person should remove tattoos he got 10 years ago and we still can't forgive him for that...while all of this is going on inside our temples, the world is dying of hopelessness!

Let's go back to the beginning...(and I mean it literally). Why not let God create us in His image and likeness?

Wasn't that what our Father longed for His creation.

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Chari Torres. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from The Message ®.
more >>

Photo: Paul Phillips

I've become a bit of a hippie, thanks in part to some great books about the advantages of eating local, seasonal fruits and vegetables. Simply put - produce grown locally is generally allowed to ripen for a longer time (increasing nutrition and flavor), supports your local community farmers, and reduces carbon emissions from airline or tractor trailer delivery.

However, the biggest difficulty I've found with eating this way is the inability to have any item I want anytime I want it. For instance, apples don't ripen in May in my part of the world. Neither do mangos in December, asparagus in October, or basil in January. I have had to learn to take advantage of each season and fully enjoy the produce that grows during those times.

Last week I was ecstatic to see the first bags of okra on the stands! (Yes, I'm easily amused.) My family really loves okra and has missed it for months now.

But what I'd really love to do is incorporate these eating lessons into my spiritual life. I'd like to learn to be ecstatic with each new life season that comes along instead of breaking the bank or the planet or my Father's heart by trying to get something that is not right or best for me at that time.

Impatient

I often find myself becoming impatient with the roles and situations God places in my life. I try to wiggle away from them or jump ahead of God's plan or simply refuse to participate in the portion of the journey I'm in. It's especially easy for me to look at the seasons that others are in and wish I was... eating their mangos. Comically, when I talk to these people about the season they are in, they often admit wishing they could have some of my asparagus! We all know that the grass is not always greener, but it often looks that way.

I pray to understand that the Lord has called me to specialize in, agonize over, pray through and even delight in today's season. I know if I do, there will be phenomenal lessons to learn and gifts to develop and an understanding of Him to grasp that I would not receive if I skipped ahead or tried to ignore this time in my life.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven... a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away" (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5-6).

Respond to this article View Reader Comments
______________________________

By Joelle Yamada. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
more >>

Photo: Dreamstime

Recently, Mark and I traveled from Iowa to Alabama to attend our son's wedding. We were excited about the trip since we would be traveling through seven states to get from our home to our daughter-in-law's home. On the way, however, we had three learning experiences that served as great object lessons for life.

The first lesson we learned was in our own home state. We had expected that if we would get lost on the trip, it would be in St. Louis or maybe Nashville. But to our great surprise, we found ourselves lost before we had even left Iowa. Perhaps we were too confident about the roads nearer to home. Or maybe we just weren't paying as much attention as we should have. Whatever the reason, there we were pulled over, getting out the atlas to see where we were and where we should be. It wasn't a huge mistake and, fortunately, we discovered it early on. However, it left us realizing that whether we're on a road trip or whether we're on the journey of life, we should never be too confident that we can't be lost at home. Our confidence can lead us to be off guard for little unnoticed signs along the way that are there to keep us on track.

Next, we got lost in unfamiliar territory. We were driving through a city and after making several necessary stops, we found that we were turned around. This is very unusual for Mark as he has a reasonably good sense of direction. As for me, if the sun isn't rising or setting, I'm in trouble. I'm definitely a landmark directions kind of person. Unfortunately, in unfamiliar territory, we had no landmarks to go by. So, we came onto the highway completely turned around. We were sure we were going the wrong direction, but the sign said we were going the right way. Still unable to shake our instinct, we matched the signs with the atlas to discover that we were on track. Why we felt so turned around, I don't know. But trusting in signs finally got us to our destination. If we had trusted our own instincts, we would have been lost.

We Couldn't See

Much of the latter part of our trip to Alabama had been spent in the dark and rain. Therefore, we couldn't see anything except the road just before us. Little did we know that just off the side of the road were huge drop offs. We had known we had reached hilly country because our ears were popping, but our eyes told us nothing. All we saw was rain and darkness. We just simply kept trusting the road signs until we reached our destination and didn't even know there was any danger.

Our third lesson came to us on the return trip—in daylight. No we clearly saw what kind of roads we had traveled, not realizing that straying one way or the other from the appointed path would have led us off the road and into danger.

In our spiritual journey, it is critical to trust in the Bible's road map for our lives so that even when we are traveling through darkness and can't see beyond the very moment in which we're living, we will stay on track. Many times, we don't even know what danger we are escaping because it is kept from our eyes.

One day, when we meet the Lord and he unfolds the details of our journey, we'll see how enduring He was as our constant, traveling companion. "...your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast" (Psalms 139:10).

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Gwen Scott Simmons. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
more >>

Photo:Laurin Rinder

The Jewish scriptures use a powerful metaphor for God—one that is too often overlooked in today's realms of male-dominated, patriarchal religious life. Notice the wording—God is speaking here:

"Is Israel my dear son? My darling child?
For the more I speak of him, the more I do remember him.
Therefore my womb trembles for him;
I will truly show motherly compassion upon him." (Jeremiah 31:20)

Here embedded in ancient Jewish tradition is a profound picture of God as a mother whose womb quivers and moves and trembles in passion for her child. This, notes the prophet Jeremiah, is exactly how God feels for Her children. That metaphor is the root of the word "compassion"—when God's womb moves on behalf of creation.

And as the scriptures go on to describe, when Mother God's womb moves for Her children, She acts in nurturing ways, willing the well-being of her children. And when She sees them being threatened or abused, She becomes extremely passionate in their defense (hence the wilderness warning, never get between a she-bear and her cubs).

Parental Metaphor

Jesus picked up this parental metaphor and applied it to his picture of God. He also gave the unusual term of "daddy"—abba—to God. Emerging from his ongoing personal experiences with God, Jesus described God using the rich associations of these metaphors from scripture that portray God as life-giving, nurturing, embracing, caring, defending, providing, compassionate to the "nth" degree.

Jesus put it this way: "If even as evil parents you know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him" (Matthew 7:11).

My confidence level in God goes up when I see God in these terms. I learn to trust God more, to believe that God wants my very best. Imagine how living more and more fully with this paradigm could transform my everyday life!

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Greg Nelson. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from The New Living Translation ©.
more >>

Photo: Hongqi Zhang

Summer is moving right along and moving with it are opportunities for family togetherness. Not that families can't be together during the school year, but summer is a great time for even more quality time.

Most families plan for vacations, visits to grandparents, or even just hanging out together at the pool or in the back yard. These are all excellent family activities. But in addition to those great times, wouldn't it be great to use the extra together time of summer to boost the family's spirituality?

Here are five tips for doing just that:

• If you haven't already made the family altar a reality, now is the time. Whether you choose breakfast time, bedtime, or any other time, make a consistent commitment to be there as a family. You might want to read a continued story of a Christian biography. Or you might choose spiritual poetry or read about the history of common hymns. Nature is an interesting theme too. Choose something that is growing in your own yard (or nearby park) and learn about it. Begin and end with prayer.
  
• Play spiritual games. You could create a memory game using Scripture. Or you could invest in a game like Bible Outburst. It might feel strange or unattractive, at first, to play a Bible game "just for fun", but it will grow on your family. Try it!
  
• Try cooking/baking some new healthy recipes together. Or take turns being in charge of a meal that includes at least one new vegetable, fruit, or main dish. Give a blue ribbon for every new food tried with a positive attitude. Then give a blue ribbon to the new food itself that got the most votes from the family.
  
• Adopt a family service project. Visit a nursing home together, take food to a shelter together, hold a Bible study group in your home. Or maybe just open your home to the church for a social gathering for food and fellowship. There are many options for service to others. Have each family member makes suggestions. Be creative!
  
• Talk, talk, talk. Discuss spiritual topics and concerns. This does not include preaching. This includes only discussion and sharing of ideas and insights. Open wide the door of spiritual communication in the home. Pray for the Holy Spirit to moderate and you won't have to.

When your summer is over, hopefully the spirit will be charged to march ahead into fall, winter, and spring.
more >>

Photo: Linda DuBose

I love spending time with my family on Fourth of July. Every year on July 3rd, our now teenage daughter and my husband make a trip to our local fireworks booth. When they get home she lines up her treasures on the living room floor for display.

On the afternoon of the fourth, we go to our local park that has family centered entertainment and booths. And in the evening, I make the famous potato salad handed down for generations on my husband's side, as well as all the usual picnic food. After watching the local fireworks show, we come home and have our own—everyone in the neighborhood is welcomed! Then we go to bed with the smell of sulfur in our hair and memories of another holiday gone by.

Because I love to celebrate, I Google for new ideas every year. Here are some I found this year that you might want to try with your family.

DESSERTS:

Cookies with a Bang. This is a fun variation from the usual star shaped cookies that the whole family can decorate.

Star-spangled Dessert. If you're looking for a healthy and simple dessert, this one's for you.

Uncle Sam Ice Cream Cones. These ice cream cones may take a little more time to prepare, but they are very cute and will be a hit with kids!

Dandy Candy. If you are very brave, involve the whole family in the making of red, white, and blue saltwater taffy.

CRAFTS:

Star Wreath. This simple craft uses what you probably already have at home, or can easily buy. If you want it to last until next year, use craft foam.

T-Shirt Painting. The whole family should love this one. White T-shirts can be inexpensively bought in packets.

American Angel Paper Craft. We actually made this when our daughter was little. We used craft foam instead of paper and still have it.

Tiny Title Booklet. For a reflective project, print and cut out this booklet and have kids write what July 4th means to them. It may become a keepsake.

ACTVITIES:

Flag Tag Relay. A fun variation of a relay race with a patriotic theme.

Bicycle Decorating. Decorate everyone's bike and take a family ride around the neighborhood, or enter in your town's parade.

Sidewalk Chalk with Patriotic Themes. Even older kids will like this one.

Rocket Balloons. Use patriotic colors for a fun way to have a balloon toss or play hot potato.

These are just some of the many ideas available. We have also found that some of the best times for our family have been playing games that my husband and I enjoyed when we were kids. Three-legged races, red light-green light, freeze tag, and running through the sprinkler don't cost a dime. But they can build a memory.

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Nancy Canwell. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

more >>

Photo: Maria Bobrova

My wife and I celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary recently. Normally, on our anniversary we exchange cards, but not gifts. We also go out for dinner together, just us, no kids, to a nice restaurant that we, rather than the kids, want to eat at. So it was this year. We told our youngest son (the only one still at home) he was on his own for one night.

It was a work day, and things got busy. I got home 30 minutes later than normal. My wife was ready to go, so I kissed her, gave her the anniversary card I had picked up, and went to change. As she took the blue envelope that held the card, she had a strange look on her face, as if she had had an unexpected surprise. It puzzled me.

On the way to the bedroom, I stopped in my office to drop off some things. On the keyboard of my computer was my card from her. It was in a blue envelope, identical in every respect to the one I had given her. Suddenly I understood her odd expression. She had been wondering if we had given each other the same card. So was I.

It might make a better story if the two cards had been identical, but they were different. The style, sentiment, and message on both cards were very similar.

Same Card?

Later, over dinner, we joked about it. She admitted feeling a momentary consternation at the thought that we had gotten each other the same card. So had I. Yet after laughing about it, we both started wondering. What would have been wrong with giving each other the same card? Two hearts, one mind, and all that.

It is a little bit scary to realize that you have grown together to the point where your thoughts are so similar. At the same time it is comforting to realize that someone knows you almost as well as you know yourself. It is even more comforting to realize that two of you share so much that your knowledge about your spouse and your spouse's knowledge about you is a source of trust and strength.

In both Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:31 the Bible states "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

It is, as Paul states, a profound mystery. Somewhere along our shared thirty-two years my wife and I have in a real sense become one.

Fairy tales end when the princess marries her prince. That is a shame. The storytellers miss the best part of the story. Trust me on that one.

Respond to this article View Reader Comments
______________________________

By Mark N. Lardas. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

more >>

Photo: Linda DuBose

The Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote extensively on the philosophy of friendship, describing the nature of genuine friendship, what it is, what it looks like, how it works. Here's how he defined it:

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

That's quite a powerful description of the spiritual connection that exists in genuine friendship. Connecting with another on that level (where your spirit is in sync, where you share similarities and diversities, where you hold the values of each other respectfully and with admiration) impacts not only your soul but also your whole being.

According to a recent New York Times article, researchers are only now starting to pay attention to the importance of friendship and social networks in overall health. A 10-year Australian study found that older people with a large circle of friends were 22 percent less likely to die during the study period than those with fewer friends. A large 2007 study showed an increase of nearly 60 percent in the risk for obesity among people whose friends gained weight. And last year, Harvard researchers reported that strong social ties could promote brain health as we age.

Baffles

"In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn't terribly well appreciated," said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. "There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship. It baffles me. Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships."

The Bible describes this power of friendship in a similar way: "There are ‘friends' who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24).

So how would you rate the kind of friendships you currently have? Do you have friends who help meet your deepest needs and allow you to help meet theirs? Are you paying attention to the people in your life who are close to you, trying to foster and deepen those relationships in meaningful ways?

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Greg Nelson. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from The Living Translation ©.
more >>

Photo: Sascha Dunkhorst

I can't get it off. My wedding band.
more >>

Photo: Joe Klune

They have been lying at the bottom of a box for two years—dozens of sympathy cards I received after my brother died. I read and appreciated each one as they arrived in the mail. But after the funeral, it was just too painful to see them lying around. So I saved them, knowing that I would want to read them again someday.

That someday came yesterday. As I reread each card these words came to mind, "Carry each other's burdens..." (Galatians 6:2). I think most of us want to do this. We want to help lift the emotional load of another's burden. Yet too often we don't because we're unsure about how to do it. For instance, we may want to send a sympathy card, yet don't know what to say—so we say nothing by not sending.

As I read through my cards, I realized that what most people wrote was simple, caring, and loving. The cards were examples of different ways to "carry" each other's burdens.

Sympathy Cards

Sympathy cards can acknowledge the pain. One friend wrote, "My heart is saddened by the news about Dan." Another said, "Nancy, the pain you feel must be unbearable. My heart is with you!!"

Sympathy cards can express the seeming senselessness of it all. I appreciated this written comment from one of my in-laws, "There is no use saying some pious rubbish. Life is painful enough. God be with you."

Sympathy cards can express love towards the one who died. It made me both happy and proud when one friend wrote, "It was our privilege to know Dan through the years. He put up a good fight." And this one, "Your brother was a man of God—a good example of giving his life to many others." Also, "When you remember all the times that he made your family and the world a better place, you can find joy through your tears."

Sympathy cards can use few words—and sometimes fewer are better. Some wrote simple sentences like, "You all are in our prayers," or "My heart aches for you," and "I can only say, hold on."

Sympathy cards can be accompanied by flowers, food, or even money to help with expenses. A colleague of mine sent this message with a flowering plant: "I just heard about your brother's passing. I wanted to run and find you and give you a big hug. I thought maybe you would like to plant this flower and be reminded of your love for your brother each year when you see it bloom."

And most importantly, sympathy cards can point to our only hope. Several friends did this by writing, "The resurrection morning can't come soon enough!" and my favorite, "Those who love the Lord never say goodbye for the last time."

The next time you hear that someone has died, don't be afraid to send a card. Don't be afraid to help carry their burden.

Respond to this article View Reader Comments
______________________________

By Nancy Canwell. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.
more >>

Photo: Petar Neychev

It's been five months that I've officially been "on my own". My sister and I had been living together until December of last year, when she got married. I have to be honest, it was tough leaving. I loved living with her and always having someone there. There was nothing like getting home and starting to cook delicious meals...and watching our favorite shows on television. Although I see her almost every day, I miss her.

This past Sabbath, I was reading the Book of Acts. I started thinking about how the disciples must've felt, when after living with Jesus for three years, they would now be without Him. After seeing Him every day, how were they going to adjust to life without Him? After having Jesus cook them breakfast on the beach...after walking the dusty roads of their homeland...after going to parties and even more parties...after seeing the wonders and miracles...how were they supposed to move on. It was definitely going to be tough!

Jesus knew how difficult it would be to live without Him, physically. So, he sent the next best thing! The Bible says that when the 120 people were gathered in one place, after Jesus had gone back to heaven, there came a strong wind. And the Holy Spirit came over them like tongues of fire. And they were able to speak in tongues and share the wonderful mysteries of Jesus in a language that everyone could understand. Three thousand people were baptized that day...ALONE!

No More Separation

So, as this year continues to rapidly move forward, let's remember the goodness of God. How He's always at work. He's always looking out for us. He knows what we need and is more than willing to give it to us. He loves to have us all to Himself. There will come a day when there will be no more separation. Jesus, Himself, will set things right. John writes the following in his last Revelation:

"I heard a loud voice shout from the throne: God's home is now with his people. He will live with them, and they will be his own. Yes, God will make his home among his people. He will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death, suffering, crying, or pain. These things of the past are gone forever.

Then the one sitting on the throne said: I am making everything new. Write down what I have said. My words are true and can be trusted" (Revelation 21:3-5).

And it's true. His words can be trusted. He can be trusted.

As I've had this time to get used to being on my own, I think God has taught me a couple of things. I think He has revealed Himself a little bit...revealed His companionship.

Now, more than any other time in my life, when things change faster than I can adjust to...when I feel lonely...when I need a friend...He's there. He's there in the solitude of my apartment...when it's just He and I. And I like that.

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By Alejandra Torres. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the CONTEMPORARY ENGLISH VERSION ®.
more >>

Photo: Karen Roach

I walk my dog every evening. More often than not, I see a father and his two sons in the front yard of one house on the route. They are practicing baseball. As I near the corner, I hear a steady "tink" of an aluminum bat hitting something. Not regulation baseballs usually, but hollow plastic whiffle-balls. Dad, on a camp stool, pulls balls out of a bucket, and casually tosses them one after another. One of the boy cuts at the ball with his bat. The balls are too light to go far when hit. They land in the front yard. The other boy runs around gathering up the balls, and putting them in a second bucket. When the first bucket is empty, the boys trade places.

The man is in his late thirties. One boy is tall and lanky, about twelve or thirteen years old. The other boy may be five. The older boy generally hits the tossed balls. Kid brother connects less than half the time. He really tries, though. He wants to do as well as his older brother.

Sometimes they play catch - tossing the ball back and forth among each other. Sometimes dad tosses balls high in the air, giving his sons practice at shagging fly balls. Sometimes dad is in a catcher's crouch while the older boy throws heat - as much as a twelve-year-old can throw a fastball.

What strikes me is that over the circuit I walk, this house is generally the only one where parents are doing something with their children. Many neighborhood houses have children - perhaps one in four. Children walk around the neighborhood in clusters, much as I remember doing back when I was a child. But only in front of this house to I regularly see dad out in front of the house, with his children.

Spending Time

I am sure than some neighborhood parents do things with their kids at activities outside home. Yet I also know many neighborhood parents spend the evening in front of the television. They tell themselves their children have their own interests. Why would they want to spend time with the parents?

It is an easy trap to fall into. Then the question rises who is really raising your children? Not you. You may provide them with food, clothing and a place to eat, but someone else is molding them into adults. That someone or some ones is whomever they are with. It may be other children, if that is with whom your children spend their time. Then what? I doubt children have better judgment than adults.

The father playing ball with his boys is giving his children the most precious thing that he has to give - his time. It is something they will remember when they are adults and hopefully pass on to their kids.

I sometimes think about telling that dad what a great job he is doing. I never do, though. Maybe he realizes already the importance of a simple game of catch.

Respond to this article View Reader Comments
______________________________

By Mark Lardas. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

more >>

Photo: Sonya Etchison

He came to me for help with an English paper, but it was really he who helped me. The assignment was to write a poem using a symbol. He chose an anchor, and here's why.

He had recently made some wrong choices and had gotten caught. Before long his parents, the school, and his friends had found out. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on what the truth was and what the discipline should be. Kids at school took sides. Some questioned his integrity. But after reading his poem assignment, I knew where his heart was. He titled it, "My Anchor."


more >>

Photo:Dreamstime

My single favorite wedding gift was not a card with a generous check or gift certificate. It was not a much needed kitchen appliance or household furnishing. It was not even a cherished heirloom now bequeathed to me for my new home. It was a simple 8"x10" wall hanging. It's not that pretty, and I can't even recall who gave it to us. Yet, the simple frame and matting surround a neat calligraphic presentation of the best marriage advice anyone ever gave me. Nearly 13 years later, it still occupies prime real estate on our bedroom wall.

I recently read an article on CNN.com entitled "Hunting for the Secret of a Happy Marriage." It discussed the findings of some long-term studies that are attempting to discover what keeps love alive and couples together. Researchers learned that starting a family greatly stresses marriage partners, causing 90% of mothers and fathers to see at least some decrease in relationship satisfaction. They also observed that childless couples received no guarantee of smooth sailing either. Rather than busyness crowding out their happiness, boredom sets in. As expected, the psychologists cited in the article, suggested that couples prioritize time together and explore new hobbies and interests together to keep monotony out of monogamy.

That's OK, but I'd like to suggest an even deeper, more fundamental secret to a happy marriage. Let me finish telling you about my favorite wedding gift. It reads:

Better Than Deserved

"A good marriage occurs when both people think they got better than they deserved."

To me this simple saying speaks volumes about selflessness—practically a lost art in today's "me first" culture. Armed with this attitude, couples can prevent almost any relationship problem before it is allowed to fester and grow. When I glance up at the framed words on my wall, I am reminded to value and appreciate my husband (even on the days he drives me crazy). It nudges me to at least consider how I may be behaving selfishly in a given situation and then, if need be, adjust my attitude to see the issue from his perspective.

My husband is a gift that I am blessed to have received. I did not simply deserve him, but I received him in spite of the many flaws that I also bring to the relationship table. As long as we mutually share that mindset of selfless appreciation, we will naturally treat each other with that perfect blend of love and respect that creates not only a good marriage but a great one.

Respond to this article View Reader Comments
______________________________

By Hannah Henry. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
more >>

Photo:Jason Stitt

"Be the change you want to see in the world." Have you heard that quote before? Mahatma Gandhi coined the now famous phrase. I thought about this quote as I was watching an old episode of Oprah on my DVR. This particular episode was about "hooking people up" and making one of their dreams come true. One of the hook-ups was a free dinner from KFC for all audience members and anyone and everyone that was watching. But despite my love for food, the part that moved me to tears was not food related.

Will.i.Am the famous front man for the Black Eyed Peas was on the show. He was there to talk about the college scholarship program he started called "i.am scholarship." Will.i.Am started this program to fund students who can't afford to pay their way to college. Will woke up one day and decided that he wanted to make a difference in the youth of this generation. He wanted to use his fame and his influx of money for the better. He shared about the hardships he had to face in his life. How he bought his current house because he could look out the window and see the projects where he had grown up and once lived. He shared how if it wasn't for his mother, a single parent, he would not be the man he is today. She believed in him and encouraged him to dream big. He said he didn't want to depend on the President to make all the changes but that he wanted to do his part. So, in one day, in less than five minutes he completely changed the lives of four African American high school seniors. He promised he would pay their full college tuition, books, room and board...basically all their expenses.

Astonishment

I was brought to tears as I watched these young men fully realize the magnitude of this moment. Astonishment, bewilderment, "you have to be kiddin' me" was written all of their faces. It made me think of things that I could do to better the world or better the life of someone. How often do we think of ways to drastically change the lives of people around us? Most of us reading this probably do not have the funds to send someone to college. But what can we do? What can I do in my immediate "world" that will make an impact...leave a legacy.

We so often depend on others to do all the hard work and be the example. But what if we all realized we are the example and took responsibility for the future of our youth, for those in need, for those who are hurting, for those who so desperately need to see people be the change they want to see in the world. God calls us to be the change. To think different. To dream big. He calls us to leave a legacy. What will your legacy be?

Respond to this article View Reader Comments
______________________________

By Andrea Torres. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines
more >>

Photo: Philippe Ramakers

Sarah's parents were new to town, and Sarah was just getting to know her new classmates at church. The second-grader was full of energy and brimming with mischief. My wife was Sarah's Sunday School teacher, which provided us with an ample supply of funny stories about little Sarah.

One Sunday my wife had prepared a lesson on being useful. She gently taught the children that everyone can be useful, that usefulness is serving God, and that doing so is worthy of honor. The kids quietly soaked up my wife's story, and as the lesson ended, there was a short moment of silence. Sarah broke the silence. In her sweet manner she softly spoke: "Teacher, what can I do? I don't know how to do many useful things. I don't know how to do anything that would be worthy of honor.

My wife wasn't expecting that kind of response. So she quickly looked around and saw an empty flower vase on the window sill. "Sarah, you can bring in a flower and put it in the vase. That would be an honorable thing."

Sarah thought a moment, then said, "But that's no important."

"Sure it is!" replied my wife. "It is if you are helping someone."

Well, sure enough, the next Sunday, Sarah brought in a dandelion and placed it in the vase. In fact, she did this Sunday after Sunday. With no more reminders or any help, she brought in her flower and placed it in the vase. My wife told all this to our pastor, and the following Sunday, he placed the vase in the main sanctuary next to the pulpit. He gave a sermon on the honor of serving others, using Sarah's vase as an example. The congregation responded well to the sermon, and the week started on a positive note.

During that week I received a phone call from Sarah's mother. She told me that Sarah's behavior was slower than normal and that she didn't have an appetite. I reassured the mother and made room on the schedule to see Sarah the following day. After the normal battery of tests and days of examinations, I sat in my office with Sarah's paperwork on my desk. The test results contained tragic news.

Why Would God Allow This?

On the way home I stopped to see Sarah's parents and personally tell them the test results. Sarah's genetics and her leukemia were a horrible mix. Sitting at the kitchen table, I did my best to explain that there was nothing that could be done to save her life. I don't think I have ever had a more difficult situation to deal with. Sarah's mom looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked, "How can this happen? Why would God allow this?"

Sarah's condition worsened, and she became confined to bed. Sarah would soon be leaving this world. I advised the parents to spend as much time as possible with her.

That was Friday afternoon. On Sunday morning church started as normal. Almost at the end of the sermon, the pastor suddenly stopped speaking. He stared at the back of the church with utter amazement. Everyone turned around to see what he was looking at. It was Sarah! Her parents had brought her in for one last visit. She was bundled up in a blanket and held a dandelion in her little hand. She slowly walked to the front of the church where her vase was still placed by the pulpit. She put her flower in the vase and a piece of paper next to it.

Four days later, Sarah died. The pastor asked to see me after the funeral. "Dave, I've got something you ought to see." He took out of his pocket the piece of paper that Sarah had left by the vase and handed it to me as he said, "You had better keep this; it may help you in your line of work." I unfolded the paper to read what Sarah had written.

In pink crayon Sarah had left this message.

Dear God,
This vase has been the biggest honor of my life.
Sarah.

Sarah's note and her vase helped me to understand, at least in part. I now realize in a new way that life is an opportunity to serve God by serving people. And, as Sarah put it, that is the biggest honor of life.

Respond to this articleView Reader Comments
______________________________

By David Cerqueira, M.D. Portions reprinted with persmission from Signs of the Times, November 2006. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
more >>

Photo: Jose Gelpi Diaz

I woke up one day and realized that my continuous dream of having three kids in diapers might actually come true! The baby bump had started to get quite large around twenty-eight weeks and even though I was encouraging my three and half year old son to use the potty, it was not happening. My two and a half-year-old daughter was more interested than my son.

A couple of weekends in a row my husband and I decided to try something we call potty training boot camp. Both kids were put in underwear, given juice (we never give them juice), and taken to sit on the potty every twenty minutes. Some friends of ours have had major success with this method. I was willing to try almost anything at this point and this seemed relatively painless. Let's just say I spoke too soon. Somehow, the kids were not leaving their mess behind in the potty and they suddenly had dirty underwear five seconds after each potty trip. I also should add they were sitting on the potty for long periods of time, not by force, but because they wanted to. So it was strange that they managed to keep the potty clean each time.

One can understand how discouraged my husband and I began to feel. After a few weeks my son was beginning to refuse to go anywhere near the bathroom, so we just gave up. I got a shipment of cloth diapers for the next baby that were one size; from seven pounds all the way up to thirty. Our next step was to get used to the idea of cleaning up cloth diapers by trying them out on our two kids. After one day I realized that my son was just too big for the cloth diapers and they kept leaking! He was unhappy and so was I. Even though my daughter was not leaking out of the diapers, she did not enjoy being able to feel her own mess, so in some ways this weird detour ended up being the bridge to potty training.

Make Own Mistakes

When I was thirty-two weeks pregnant, the countdown to new baby began to speed up. I found myself complaining at a friend's house as I explained how hard potty training was. She told me something that was very helpful. She said, "When a baby learns to walk, we do not just turn around and tell them never to crawl again. Ultimately, they make their own decisions through trial and error." I suddenly could understand my son's frustration. He was not really getting the chance to make mistakes on his own.

The next day I put both children in underwear and let them know I would help them get to the potty, but they needed to tell me. We went through about a week of many accidents before my son asked me to take him to the potty. At first I thought I had put myself in a crazy situation, but I felt like I just needed to wait and see what would happen. From the moment my son got to teach himself how to potty train, things began to fall into place. After a week, he was finally ready to use the potty full time during the day. My daughter was also on the same path just by watching her brother take the lead.

It has been a tiring couple of months for me, but I would say the lessons I have learned are well worth all the frustration. Watching my kids make mistake after mistake as they learned to use the potty made me think about how many times it takes me to learn new things. I wonder if God is looking at me wishing I would just learn the first time. Patience and grace for my children has really helped me get past a really challenging part of parenting. I am thankful that I learned the importance of free will. My kids had to figure out for themselves that potty training was something beneficial to them.

Respond to this article View Reader Comments
______________________________

By Marion Ruybalid. Copyright © 2009 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.
more >>